Heaven and Hell
by static-disturbed
Summary: Angel remembers his meeting with Buffy after her return to the living. Angel's POV


Title: Heaven and Hell  
  
Author: Static-Disturbed  
  
Summary: Angel remembers the night he and Buffy met up after her return to the living. Just short little Angel POV piece I wrote quickly. Pairing: Mention of B/A even though there's nothing direct. Disclaimer: Not mine, never have been and sadly never will be.  
  
The moonlight offers a small amount of illumination through the open window in my bedroom. Just enough for me to trace the outlines of her face and see the shimmer of her gold hair. Her smile is bright and strong and I can remember a time when that smile would greet me every night. I can remember when that smile was the only reason I kept on living. The photograph slips from my hand and gently glides to the carpet as I remember the new smile. The bitter, fragile, cold smile I was confronted with when I met with her. Even as I arrived and saw her mother's car parked on the side of the highway I still didn't believe it was true. And there she saw. Standing by the water with her fragile arms wrapped around thin bones staring up at the same moon I stare at right now. My voice wouldn't work and me legs wouldn't move but she knew I was there. The second she turned around and I saw that smile that was not hers and the tears leaking from the corner of her eyes I knew what was wrong. What had they done?  
  
She knew that I knew too. She could see it in my eyes. My heart was shattering as she approached and I could see the anguish buried underneath the brave face she wore for me. She looked so lost standing there in front of the ocean.  
  
"They didn't know", she whispered coming to stand on front of me. Buffy had been through hell and high water throughout her life but no one had ever succeeded at truly breaking her. Try as they had she had always come up on the top. I had been the one who had tried to break her once. Even Angelus had never really succeeded. But now she was broken. At the hands of her own friends none the less and she was still defending them.  
  
"No" that was all I could manage to say. There were a million things I wanted to tell her but that was all that would come out. I wanted to tell her I loved her. That I was sorry. I wanted to tell her how much I missed her. She offered me that bitter smile and I wanted to scream at her. I wanted her to smile like my Buffy smiled, the smile that always made me feel like things were going to be ok. Because this smile only made me feel weak. This smile didn't give me hope. I didn't realize I was shaking until she pointed it out and placed her arms around me neck and buried her head in my chest. And then it happened. Tremors erupted throughout her tiny body and I could feel the hot tears leaking through the front of my shirt as she begged me to say something. Words poured from myself as I whispered everything I had wanted to say earlier into her ear. For a long time we stood like that in silence with only the sound of her breathing and the waves of the ocean to accompany us.  
  
"What was it like?" I asked quietly ending the silence. After a moment she pulled her face off my chest and looked up at me.  
  
"Happy', that was all she needed to say and both of us grew quiet once again. We spent the night there on the beach. Talking, walking, kissing. Escaping the worlds we both knew were waiting for us. But eventually we both knew sunrise was near. Again we would go our separate ways.  
  
"I love you," she said softly. I stood there staring into her eyes trying to think of the right thing to say.  
  
"I love you. And I hate that you hurt and I would so anything to take that pain away. But maybe I'm being selfish but Buffy it was killing me when you were gone, and I'm glad you're alive and I want you to know that". She smiled at me. It wasn't a Buffy smile but inside I could see a trace of the Buffy I once knew. She was there somewhere. But she was broken. And time and love would mend those wounds. Maybe she wasn't the same but she was still my Buffy. And looking into her eyes I still gave me hope. Hope that one day we would be together. Hope that one day all of this will pay off.  
  
"Keep fighting Angel. The fact that I know that you're in L.A doing good is enough to give me hope". She was my hope for some many years and now it was my turn to return the favor. And with that said she climbed into her car and drove away. No good-bye. Because good-bye is never really good-bye between Buffy and me. It'll never really be over. We are different in so many ways. She is heaven and I am hell. But without each other we'd be nothing. 


End file.
